Yes, I’m a handful of days late with my 2013 greetings—call it a holdover from 2012’s procrastination.
Here’s hoping that your holidays and New Year festivities were lovely and bright. I was fortunate enough to be happily distracted by friends and a terrific family from doing any writing in this quiet corner of the Internets. Some other unfortunate habits were also fostered, which need to be nipped in the bud. And so, without further ado, my resolutions for 2013:
1. I will not eat raw cookie dough by the spoonful while watching reruns of Girls.
2. I will not skip doing Bikram yoga so I can sit on the couch eating raw cookie dough and watching reruns of Girls.
3. I will not foster negative thoughts with regards to my writing…or my complete and utter lack of commercial success whatsoever. Also, I will not let any such negativity drive me to a bowl of raw cookie dough.
a. As an amendment to Resolution 3, I also will not be envious of, or jealously covet anyone else’s success. So what if a former colleague of mine is in the running for his second Oscar nomination. WHAT THE HELL DO I CARE ABOUT THAT? Right? I mean, I have my cookie dough. Oh, wait. That’s right, I don’t have that either.
b. See Resolution 3.
4. I will write on a regular basis so that I will slowly but surely overtake this crazily talented guy from his quest for total Internet domination.
5. I will become alpha so that the 12-pound pup does not boss me around.
6. Scrap Resolution 5. The pup is too cute. I forever will be subservient to him.
7. I will stop hoarding mason jars in the hopes of making jam. Jam is not happening, just accept it.
8. I will communicate better with my husband, whom I routinely expect to read my mind…and read it accurately.
9. I will walk more to counter my sedentary, cookie-dough-eating lifestyle. If I need to buy new pants because, for some inexplicable reason, my hips have grown, I will walk my bottom-heavy self there. And I will leave the cookie dough at home.
10. I will end the year having to make fewer resolutions for 2014 involving cookie dough.